This isn’t a nice post. I will explain my worst nightmare as a little story.
Well, it all begins when I start walking. I start walking with lots of people walking after me. There are also lots of people walking in front of me. We are all walking in a line without any destination, without any hope and or happiness. We walk, and we keep on walking. All of a sudden I turn my head back and I see all of them. They are people just like me, walking with no desires. They all walk wearing a black coat and you can’t hardly see their face. Their face is a shadow and I can just see their red strong eyes. Those eyes are sad, those eyes are full of nothing. Everything is empty. We all walk with a chain that is fasten on our feet. Nobody stops walking and no body falls. If somebody had fallen we would all have fell down the dark hall. Without noticing it at the beginning I start seeing that we are walking in circles. I can’t see the full circle but I know I’m walking around. All of a sudden I see my parents. They are walking just in front of me. We are all slaves, we are slaves of walking in circles. No body laughs, nobody talks, nobody hopes and or thinks. I start realising we are walking on ribs, bones. Those are my ribs and everyone I hardly know is walking there in circles. I’m not scared, I’m not happy and I’m not sad. I feel just like walking, it’s like a rutine and it doesn’t feel bad because everybody else is walking too. But then, I wake up. I’m in my bed. I’m in my bed and I can’t move. I’m there laying down and I can’t even close my eyes. I’m starting getting really paranoid. My whole body hurts. I fight against myself to move a single finger and I can’t. Everytime I try I fail. I get really scared and nervous. I keep on trying to move my body and I can’t. I try, and I work hard, and I scream to myself. I don’t even hear my own breathing. I try to scream for help but I can’t. Then all my body starts itching and I want to scratch but I can’t. I’m under a terrible pain. A huge pain I can’t stand. I’m on my one with my body, a body that isn’t connected to me. It feels so lonely, I just feel the pain of my body and I can’t move. I can’t move. I can’t move, I can’t move, and I try I try so hard to move. I just want to cry. I can’t even cry. I’m so dry, I’m so dry. I’m nothing full of pain. I’m paralized. I feel a huge impotence at not beeing able of moving, screaming, crying. It’s so awful, I can’t move, I can’t move.
Then, I fall a sleep again. The next morning I wake up. This dream happens once in a while. But when it happens I’m scared, it really scares me out. When I wake up I always have the same question; what part was real? Was I dreaming when I couldn’t move? Who knows, I felt so awake. I feel the pain even when I think of the dream. I should better say nightmare. This dream started when I was living in Barcelona long time ago and it didn’t come up anymore until a few years ago. This year I dreamt it at least twice a month. I got to the point of analyzing it. What my dream might represent is that the world, our lives, are just a rutine. Our lives keep just on going in circles, of a huge nothing. All we do is all they did and all they will do. All we feel is all they have feelt and all they will feel. There’s nothing that makes us special. For someone we might be their world, but for the world we are nothing, just one more. Maybe what the slaves of my dream represent is what I just say, the rutine. The faces of the slaves full of nothing might represent the indifference, their lack of living. I don’t think anyone succeeded with everything so that might be shown on my dream too. The strangest thing of it is when I wake and I’m paralyzed. What would that mean? Is it showing I have limits? That even working hard you don’t get anywhere? Or is it fear, fear of impotence?
Anyway I don’t get the full picture of the dream, so I’ll be just hoping I don’t have this nightmare anymore. And I feel so sorry for those people paraplegic people… they must feel so impotent at not being able to move a part of their body. Or for those blind people who can not see our beautiful nature. Or for those mute people who can not scream for help, or talk silent words of love…
Maybe someday that will all have a cure, I really hope so.

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